2007.03.04

Not Allowed on Battlestar Galactica

It’s not really a secret that I’ve got my geek on for Battlestar Galactica. The show is amazing regardless of the post-New Caprica love crapfest between Apollo, Starbuck and their spouses.

Quite a while ago on OOKEE.com I posted a list of 213 Things Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do detailing all the things SPC Schwarz was not allowed to do in the military. Well, someone went and parodied this list in relation to BSG.

3. Not allowed to spell Colonel Tigh’s name “T-G-H” and claim “the Cylons took the I,” as it is cruel and not remotely funny.
* Okay, so it’s hilarious. It’s still cruel.

17. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Lieutenant Gaeta’s name” is not a challenge.

35. Not allowed to use nuggets as currency.

36. Not allowed, under any circumstances, to ask President Roslin who died and put her in charge.

42. Not allowed to hand slices of bread to Lt. Agathon and ask her to “do me a quick favor.”

62. Our Vipers cannot be assembled into a giant battle robot.

68. Not allowed to stalk Captain Thrace.
* Not allowed to stalk Major Adama.
* Allowed, however, to stalk Captain Agathon, as he is unlikely to notice me doing it.
* And by “me,” we actually mean “you,” Lt. Edmonson. You think you’re being subtle? Gods.

75. I am not allowed to sell calendars that indicate Captain Thrace’s “Time of the Month.”

95. After destroying a Cylon Basestar it is not appropriate to yell that “All your base are belong to us.”

198. It is not appropriate when Capt. Agathon is worried over his wife or child’s health to lighten the mood by asking him if she’s still under warranty.
* Or if it covers parts and labor.
* Or if it requires him to return her to the manufacturer.
* Or if Doc Cottle is going to void it by opening her up.
* Or if he needs a second estimate.

282. Not allowed to tell Tom Zarek that he looks like an old Apollo.

Some of the rest are equally hilarious though there are many that get old and a disproportionate number get sexual; it’s the interweb.

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