Archive for November 3rd, 2005

2005.11.03

Diagnosis In: It’s Terminal!

I went to the doctor today. I dislike going at all, but sometimes you just have to. I think it’s in a contract I signed. The nurse saw I was a bit anxious though, thankfully, not peeing my pants. She observed for me how it’s funny that people come to the hospital to get good news like, “You don’t have cancer,” but they also come to get bad news like, “Instead of cancer you have AIDS.”

I pondered the wisdom of this obvious statement; as a distraction I gave it a seven out of ten. I found the logic hard to argue with except in the stupid way that really ignorant people do. I was in a hospital, though, with doctors who were, I hoped, smart. I didn’t want to sound ignorant to them. I also didn’t want them to probe me with needles which I’d heard was a technique they use when they think you’re stupid.

The nurse had me go in a room, take off my shirt and wait for the doctor. I waited in this room for at least an hour. The clock showed just 15 minutes had passed but I think it was deliberately taunting me. Weirdly, the room was air conditioned so I put my shirt back on. This seemed to be the cue for the doctor to arrive.

She asked me some questions, poked me a bit with her sharp finger and listened to me breathe for a bit. After looking me over the diagnosis was made. It’s terminal! I’m going to die and there was nothing she could do to help me! I was startled beyond coherence. What? Really? When? I probably wouldn’t die for another 40-60 years, but symptoms were starting to show and the outlook is very bleak. There is no cure for what I have. Still, I’m not letting it get to me. I’m going to fight this with everything I can. You’ll see.

I’m reluctant to share this tragic news with you, Dear Readers, but I felt it my obligation to fully disclose how long you would have before this blog went silent. Forever. My advice to you is not to count on much beyond 40 years, though hopefully much, much longer.