Archive for October 16th, 2005

2005.10.16

Dear Red Jetta Driver

Dear Driver of the Red Jetta from Vermont on Highway One,

You, sir, are one of the slowest fracking driver’s I’ve ever been cursed to follow along Highway One in Marin. I know the road is windy, and I know you’re probably not from around here. However, there are turnoffs specifically designed to let you pull off the road and let those of us who can drive faster than smell move on with our lives.

I feel confident that California isn’t the only state in our great nation that has turnoffs so I feel like if you’ve passed you’re driver’s license examination you should know what they are used for. Since you obviously didn’t, however, I can only assume you are stupid, or rude, or illegally driving your Red Jetta from Vermont, or a terrorist, or all of the above. You were certainly terrorizing my sense of calm and testing my patience as I was forced to ride my brakes following your slow butt along the beautiful Marin coastline.

To your lovely wife/girlfriend/kidnap victim in the back seat who kept turning around to look at me like I was wrong for being irritated with your husband/boyfriend/abductor: that sour look is going to make your face ugly when you’re old.

Mr. Driver of the Red Jetta, please learn to drive. Thank you.

PS: Your right tail light is out. Fix it.