Archive for August 24th, 2005

2005.08.24

My Encounter with the TSA

Yesterday I flew home from New York through Newark. I’d forgotten I had a Zippo lighter in my bag. It had been there for a very long time; easy not to think about. So the TSA guy says he wants to search through my bag. No problem, whatever, I’m sort of behind schedule so just do what you think you need to do to make the world secure.

“This lighter is illegal. I’m going to have to confiscate it.”

“Excuse me, what are you talking about? It’s illegal?”

“As of April all lighters are not allowed on airplanes. I’m going to have to take this.”

Goddam what a fscked up thing American paranoia has become. This lighter was a gift from Mookee when I first moved out to San Francisco. Despite pushing the time limit for getting on my plane I wanted to at least keep the shell. “Look, it’s a Zippo, right? So the insides where the fuel and flint are come out. Take that out and let me keep the shell at least.”

“I’m sorry but I have to keep the whole thing.”

No way. “Is there someone I can talk to?”

At this point the agent, if you can call him anything, told me I could talk to the Inspector but that he would tell me the same thing. So as quickly as possible keeping in mind my plane left in 20 minute and would be finishing boarding soon I tied up my boots, stuffed crap in my pockets and went over the the Inspector to plead my case.

To his credit but probably not the book he was supposed to follow, the Inspector heard me out, kind of rolled his eyes, and asked where the lighter was now. Then he brought it back, asked me if it was indeed mine, pulled out the core and handed me the shell after turning his back on the agents at the gate. I thanked him and I hope he knew I really appreciated it.

This is the stupidest thing our government is doing. If I carried a full bottle of wine on the plane I could do more damage than any lighter could. I could break the bottle and cut people more effectively than any knife. I could have the bottle filled with gasoline and carry a flint and stick of metal to light a molotov cocktail. There are many things anyone with any creativity could do. It’s ridiculous for the TSA to think they can prevent someone determined from hijacking a plane or worse. This is well documented. All they are doing is pissing off us, the People.

Dear Congress, please pull your collective heads out of your asses and do something right for a change. Quit promoting a culture of fear and stupidity. We would greatly appreciate it!