2004.04.21
SUV Solution
People who drive SUVs piss me off. Not because they probably have small penises or low self esteem issues. Not because they are burning up all the gas on the planet. Not because they make up for their small IQs by trying to look cool in a vehicle that makes them look like a midget. They piss me off because they are always in my way when I’m trying to get somewhere.
It seems to me that people who drive SUVs should have a special license to drive one, just like people need special licenses for motorcycles or 18 wheelers. It makes sense to me. Charge them extra for it, make them *have* to attend special classes. Someone besides the oil and auto companies deserves to make some money off these people. Also by charging more for the license some states might even dig themselves out of debt.
Create a special mandatory lane on highways for SUVs. SUVs are not allowed to be out of this lane unless entering or exiting the highway. The speed limit in the lane will be half that of the highway (rounded down) at all times. Thus a 65MPH zone becomes a 30MPH.
SUV drivers should not be allowed to wash their vehicles. Ever.
SUVs should be designed with a huge flat panel television on the back end so at least when I am stuck in traffic I can watch what I want rather than nothing at all. The owner will be required to have a satellite hook up.
Ultimately I think SUVs should be banned from the highways all together, just as fork lifts are not allowed to casually drive around the interstates. They should have special permits (and police should be encouraged to enforce the permits) if they want to go on any trip that does not include cross country driving, loads of dirt, loads of water (at least 14″ deep), minimum 35 degree inclines, and dangerous wildlife (children do not count). Visits to the grocery store, day care, after school games, work, and “a friend’s house” should have heavy fines and/or prison terms.
I do not mind SUVs by themselves. It is merely the drivers behind the wheels. I do not wish them to burn in hell, but I do wish they would at the very barest minimum get off the roads when I am on them.
You can follow any responses to this entry with a RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
