2002.01.05
2002.01.04
i have a theory. actually i have several theories, but there are two in particular i want to talk about here now. one i might have mentioned before and that is about guys and girls and friendship, and the other concerns “sins” being carried over to new relationships in the form of karma.
the first is summarized thus: a guy and girl may just be friends at the beginning, but one *will* develop a crush on the other which more often than not puts odd twists on the friendship (unless the crush is reciprocated, in which case they become a couple, also ending the platonic friendship). they can become friends again if the person with the crush can redirect their strong emotions to another person. this is not easy, and i speak from experience. most often this assumes both people are single. if both are attached, then ideally they are happy in their relationships and it doesn’t apply. however, if one of them isn’t attached and the other is, the probability is still high for the crush to develop.
often when i tell people this they will respond that it’s not true and then go on to tell me friends of the opposite sex that they are just friends with. after talking to them about the person, i often get the impression they are blind to the facts. usually people only want to see what they want to see, especially in the people we let close to ourselves. people don’t want to know about the true and sometimes overly complicated slurry that is human emotion and social reality.
to me it’s a very strong theory, which i’ve observed in my own life (both sides of the table) and in many others. the second theory is a bit more tenuous, so if anyone has any corraborative evidence, please drop me a line.
this theory holds that whatever the cause of the breakup of a previous relationship, it will be repeated in the next relationship by the new person. thus, let’s say i dated someone named sandra (picking that name because i don’t think i’ve ever really known a sandra). though she is very happy with me (imagine that…) i break up with her because i’m bored and because i’m not sure what i want anymore. shortly thereafter i start dating someone named (trying to think of another name…) mary. now i am pretty happy with things, but before i know it mary breaks up with me because she’s not sure she wants to be with me and because she finds me a tad bit boring.
now this is incredibly simplified, but i find it interesting that i did break up with someone because for whatever reason i wasn’t *in* love with that person, though i did care for her greatly. the very next relationship the girl broke up with me for much the same reasons. at the same time the first girlfriend broke up with her post-doug relationship because she found she wasn’t so much in love with him. strange, neh?
as i said, it’s not the strongest theory i’ve ever had, but it’s one that’s nagged me for years. it seems like some sort of karma, but if so, there ought to be a way to break the cycle, right? otherwise it would seem that every new relationship is doomed from the start.
i thought about it and it seems to me that the one time i broke the cycle was when i gave myself time to actually get over the person and become really single again. i had an almost nine month period from the breakup till the new relationship and the new relationship ended on a sort of fluke (we never did officially breakup, so maybe we’re still together…?).
maybe this is all just an elaborate justification for my not being ready to move on after polecat. the theory is really pretty old in my head, but i was thinking about it alot over christmas/new year’s break so i thought i would get it down while i was thinking about it.
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